The fire is going, the first guests have arrived and somebody is still holding an unopened packet of chips. Two people know each other from work, three are old friends and someone has brought a new partner. Everyone is friendly. For now, the conversation consists of “how are you?” and whether there is any ice.
Those first few minutes do not have to set the pace for the whole evening. Give people an easy way to get to know each other, and the first shared joke usually arrives sooner than an elaborate programme of entertainment.
Make introductions useful
Introduce people by name and offer a small connection they can build on. “You both have strong opinions about the best padstal on the route” gives two guests somewhere to start. So does a shared hometown, a recent concert or the fact that both have rescued the host from a flat battery.
Choose something the person would comfortably mention themselves. Leave embarrassing stories and private news to whoever they belong to. You are opening a conversation. Once it starts, put the chips down and give those two people room to carry on.
Ask something everyone can answer
A question such as “which song would you never remove from the playlist?” offers more to work with than another round about how busy work has been. Other easy starting points include a minor cooking disaster, a useless thing you happen to do brilliantly, or the one road-trip snack you always pack.
Give a short answer yourself and let the conversation move. One story can lead to another without formally taking turns around every chair. Listen for the connection and ask a simple follow-up. People quickly remember who laughed with them about the same peculiar habit.
Volunteer for the first attempt
When you suggest a game, it helps to have the first go. Read the instruction, attempt the gesture and accept that your impression of a pelican may look like somebody trapped in a jacket. Your own ridiculous effort makes it easier for everyone else to join in.
Keep the joke on the attempt. The person you met tonight may still be figuring out when your teasing is affectionate. A group develops its own sense of humour more easily when everyone has room to settle into it.
Give the group something to do together
A short game fits well after the food, when everyone is comfortably seated. Move the plates aside, turn the music down a little and explain enough to get started. You can show the next part when you reach it.
That is where STRAFDOP belongs at a braai: one phone is passed around, someone reads the card aloud and the group plays together. Rounds, Roasts and Advice Line offer different ways to guess, improvise and laugh. The Big Mix combines all three. See how to play before getting your group started.
Let the evening find its pace
Some people talk immediately; others watch how the group works first. Invite them in and let them decide how soon they want to join. Make water, soft drinks and other drink choices equally easy to reach. Everyone can take part with the glass they prefer.
When a turn leads naturally into a conversation, give it time. You can play again later. A good sign that the ice has broken is the person who was quiet earlier trying to retell that first terrible impression to someone at the other end of the table.
